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Joke of the Day

"I shoveled half my driveway yesterday but my wife's still not happy because it just so happens to be the top half the sun melted."

"Really shouldn't If you're always Putin things off, you'll end up Russian."

"With the magic of makeup, I go from tired old hag to tired looking old hag with eyeliner."

"Dark humor is like kids with cancer... Never gets old"

"I love the smell of my F5 key... It's just so refreshing!"

"Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off."

"I hate the French They give me the Crepes"

"What do Saiyans and Kelly Clarkson have in common? (x-post r/funny) What doesn't kill them, makes them stronger."

"Someone stoly my Microsoft Office And they're gonna pay. You have my Word."

"What would happen if a rodent were to crawl into, and die in, a piece of equipment made by Dell? ... it would create a fell Dell smell."