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Joke of the Day

"My elderly grandfather came over and complained of diarrhea. He repeatedly told everyone ""Shh"". It took us a while to realize he'd lost ""it""."

"What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit's fingers!"

"An angel in heaven was welcoming a new arrival. ""How did you get here?"" he asked. And the new angel replied ""Flu..."""

"""You promise you didn't get me bees again"" [me from a distance] just open it"

"All I did from 1984-1990 was try to shoot the laughing dog in Duck Hunt"

"I like my women the way I like my wine... 9 years old and locked in my cellar."

"Got caught talking to myself today. So I pretended I was a tree until they walked away."

"A libertarian prostitute looks at her pay stub.. ""I'm sick of all these fucking-taxes"""

"Rumor has it, some people get things accomplished without whining about it. Not my style. Interesting concept, though."

"Jerry (Man pukes in plastic bag) Man:I made breakfast, let's put it in the fridge (Puts it in toilet tank) Man:Time for bed (Crawls in to tub)"