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Joke of the Day

"right before i die, i want to stuff myself with 100 chicken nuggets and blaze tf up"

"The woman who first decided that tights are pants should get the Nobel Peace Prize."

"So I've been studying up on clams lately I want to take up boxing, and I heard part of training is mussel memory."

"Just got invited to an ""alcohol-free"" wedding. The happy couple will be sad when they realize it's going to be a ""present-free"" wedding too."

"[Me as an Italian language translator] Police: Ask him where the money is hidden. Me: Spaghetti tortellini Benghazi Fibonacci cappuccino."

"I once thought I had a Japanese friend. But it was just my imagine Asian"

"So... Do you like dragons? You do? Good. Cause I am gonna be draggin' my balls across your face. Someone at work told me this and I couldn't stop laughing."

"How does Dallas Cowboys fans change a lightbulb? They don't... they just talk about how good the old one was."

"Pete and Repeat went into a bar, Pete came out who was left?"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I've never paid $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face"