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Joke of the Day

"[Me as an Italian language translator] Police: Ask him where the money is hidden. Me: Spaghetti tortellini Benghazi Fibonacci cappuccino."

"What is the most sensitive part of your body when masturbating? Your ears"

"If everyone contributes a small amount of their income... Together we can pool the resources to defeat socialism."

"Why don't off duty police men fire grenades into children's cribs? If you're good at something never do it for free."

"Darth: You should not have come back, old man. Obi Wan: I DIDN'T. I was going to Alderaan. You caught our ship with a tractor beam. Idiot."

"What's the name of the tree that gives mexicans? The scaffolding"

"Stranger with a black eye is trying to talk to me. But I'm not going to respond cause it's pretty apparent she doesn't listen."

"I finally got hired at the local adult store First day on the job I got a raise!"

"What kind of bird opens doors ? A kiwi !"

"All I'm saying is that if M&M's poured out of a person after you stabbed them, I'd probably lose my moral compass very quickly."