20998

Joke of the Day

"[Me as an Italian language translator] Police: Ask him where the money is hidden. Me: Spaghetti tortellini Benghazi Fibonacci cappuccino."

"Got in a car wreck while reading a church sign today... ...the Son was in my eyes."

"Your momma so fat... Yo momma is so fat when she is playing Pokemon go she can see all pokemons on her cell phone"

"Dinosaur 911: what's ur emergency Dinosaur: A FIREBALL IN THE SKY IS FLYIN AT US Dinosaur 911: is it the sun Dinosaur: haha probably. bye"

"Ok, I'll admit it, my choice of words is sometimes influenced by which ones I think I can spell correctly."

"Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ............no matter how magnificent they look."

"Alcohol is an excellent solvent. It dissolves marriages, friendships and organs."

"What do you give to a man that had everything? Antibiotics"

"What's long and white? The line to Starbucks."

"[Cute Girl]: *in hot tub* Hey baby. Why don't you come join me? [Lobster]: No I'm good over here. That's how my dad died."