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Joke of the Day

"What did the tree say to the lumberjack? I'm falling for you"

"Why did the two boa constrictors get married ? Because they had a crush on each other !sna"

"Fitness coach: have you been exercising & doing push-ups? *Flashback to me running after the ice cream man & buying all the push-ups* ""yes"""

"[Jokes] What's the difference between a garbanzo beans and a chickpea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face before."

"I wish someone would hold me and tell me that everything is gonna be okay and then just kinda turn into like $20,000 in cash."

"Sorry babe, you knew you were dating a bad boy [shuffles Pokemon cards without the plastic covers]"

"DOCTOR: u broke ur leg in five places, how did this happen ME:*flashback of me trying to carry too much ice cream up the stairs* bears."

"A Maritimer in a bar once asked me if I had ever tried Moosehead. I said ""No, but I've had some pretty grizzly pussy in my day."""

"The problem with the French is that they don't have a word for entrepreneur. -George.W.Bush"

"Two fish were in a tank, and one said to the other: ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""