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Joke of the Day

"Things a raccoon and I have in common: 1) Dark circles around the eyes. 2) Likes eating junk. 3) We're both cute but will kill you."

"What do you call a chinese duo that plays ping pong? Ping Pong"

"Welcome to night club. I know it's dark, but that's kinda the poi-- *metal screeching* Dammit Steve! I told you knight club is downstairs!"

"What did Obama say when he proposed to Michelle? I don't wanna be Obama self"

"My body is a temple. I care about it three to five times a year purely out of guilt."

"Apparently 1 in 5 of us live next to a paedophile.. Not me though, I live next to a gorgeous 8 year old."

"I have a fear of speed bumps... But I'm slowly getting over it."

"F.Y.I. ~~ hand jobs from girls who speak sign language....do in fact, count as blow jobs"

"An Irish man left the bar"

"Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money."