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Joke of the Day
"I just heard a horrific story about a man who left his house without his phone."
Next Joke
"I don't understand hair It's just over my head."
"Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I'll ask him; ""so how does my lack of progress make you feel?"""
"I got into an accident a few days ago. The doctor said the bleeding was all internal. I said ""oh, thank god."" The doctor said ""why are you so happy?"" I said ""that's where the blood is supposed to be!"""
"Apparently ""if you must draw your eyebrows on, please draw them evenly"" was not the tip this waitress was expecting."
"Why didn't Greece vote for Tyrion? Because a Lannister always pays his debts."
"Two necrophiliacs are walking down the street when they pass a morgue. The first necrophiliac says to the second ""Want to stop in for a couple of cold ones?"""
"I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire."
"Wanna hear a clean joke? Johnny took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the girl next door."
"What do you do if you see a space man? (my favorite one liner ever) you park your car in it, man"