83380

Joke of the Day

"I told my dad about the school shooting today I don't know why he got so worked up over picture day."

"Have you heard about the world's safest driver? He's wreckless!"

"Twitter: something to read when people are talking to you."

"TEAM DEATHMATCH Comment if you understand the reference."

"My parents said they liked my DNA strand model. I said, ""Thanks. It's a nice pair of genes."""

"Some guy commented on my all-black outfit today: ""So whose funeral is it?"" I told him I haven decided yet."

"I lost my mood ring last night... I'm not sure how I feel about that"

"Allergy alert: This tweet may contain peanuts."

"My fave pickup line as a gay man... Hey, are you a vital organ? Because I don't think I can live without you inside of me."

"Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in."