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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a slutty telescope? A horoscope."

"Multitasking Whoever said women can multitask is talking bollocks.....I told my missus to sit down and shut the fuck up, she couldn't do either"

"What do you call a frog that is illegally parked? Toad."

"I was addicted to brake fluid... ...but I know I can stop whenever I want!"

"Marilyn Monroe died & was reincarnated into thousands of white girls who can't be handled at their worst, and aren't deserved at their best."

"There once was a girl from Nantucket... Who carried her ice in a bucket. She walked down a hill. She had a great spill. And when she got up, she said, ""I'm going to watch my step next time!"""

"Knock Know 9/11 Knock Knock. Who's There? 9/11. 9/11 who? I thought you said you'd never forget."

"elephants are scared of mice they're like 100x their size, stupid massive wimps [a wasp flies in my car and i completely drive off a bridge]"

"a newly elected governor trying to teach his kid how to spell assassination one ASS behind another ASS, behind that I and behind me the whole NATION"

"My coworker doesn't like me which is weird bc her husband does."