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Joke of the Day

"I was going to go as a worthless piece of garbage for Halloween... ...but then I realized I go as that every day of the year."

"I'm convinced that people are now just getting married and having babies to have something to post on FB"

"Corn on the cob today is corn on the log tomorrow."

"Hi Mrs. Smith ... can Johnny come out and play baseball with us? Oh you mean little boy ... you know Johnny is a quadraplegic ! Yes I know Mrs. Smith. We want to use him for home plate !"

"Good news / bad news The good news is - the other day, I found a really good porn site. The bad news is - all of the web pages are stuck together."

"What do you call a bee that comes from US? USB !! sorry, I am going to shoot myself now!"

"Whats the worst part about being a news reporter? The shootings"

"I used to think I was indecisive ... ... but now I'm not so sure."

"Why couldn't the headless horseman win the race? He couldn't get a head."

"My iPhone does NOT rule my life. Battery - Don't worry, Siri. I got this."