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Joke of the Day

"""The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, and being tagged in a super unflattering photo."""

"I long for the good old days, when all the men wore suits and all the women wore dresses and they put cocaine in soda"

"Waiter what is this hare doing in my salad? I believe he's eating your lettuce."

"BEST JOKE EVER What did the man with leprosy say to the prostitute? Keep the tip."

"[creating the armadillo] GOD: I want a half turtle, ANGEL: Okay G: Half pig, A: Okay, I'm on it- G: Half anteater A: ...Are u drunk G: Very"

"I married a kleptomaniac... She stole my heart."

"Did you hear the one about the dyslexic insomniac agnostic? He lay awake at night, wondering if there is a dog."

"I was going to have sex with you, but you asked what Mario Kart was and wore pants inside the pillow fort....I'm just kidding. I don't care."

"BREAKING: Barack Obama just elected President of the US - Sent from Internet Explorer"

"Tiger Woods: He puts the semen in product endorsements. And women. I mean he used to. Crap, can I start over? I've almost got this."