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Joke of the Day

"My gf was a virgin until recently ;) Too bad I still am."

"NICE TO MEAT YOU, I scream as I throw slices of salami at strangers"

"""Ewww how'd that get in the house? I don't wanna kill it. I'll just put it outside"" *scoops your baby up in a tissue*"

"Hi, I'm going to tell a dad joke! Hi ""Im going to tell a dad joke,"" I'm dad!"

"Recreational drugs? No thanks, I went pro years ago."

"Bees disappearing is worrisome because of the environment but also there's the possibility of invisible bees."

"Dad: Why are your nails painted two different colors? Daughter: Dad. It's an accent color. Dad: ... Dad: Can I hear it?"

"If I had $1.00 for each person I had sex with, I would pay my rent But just because I'm currently homeless"

"I got a job at the circus circumcising baby elephants. It pays peanuts, but the tips are huge."

"What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 60 pounds."