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Joke of the Day

"A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police... He's now a seasoned veteran."

"What is Bruce Lee's beverage of choice? WATAAAAAR"

"If it weren't for twitter I wouldn't know what it feels like to go unnoticed. Just kidding, I'm married. I know exactly how that feels."

"I hate using a plunger... they work the shit out of me."

"I heard they wanted to do an Asian version of Drive but there's already a movie called Crash."

"Q: What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? A: I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face."

"I laugh at an ex who now dates an ugly man-pig... Until I realize that maybe she has a type."

"If I had ba dollar for every time I was racist, I'd be as rich as a Jew"

"Not to get too technical, but chemistry says alcohol IS a solution. So I win."

"What does a gay horse eat? Heeeeeyy."