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Joke of the Day

"What's long and hard on a black guy His prison sentence I hope this hasn't been said before, I half came up with this all by my lonesome"

"The best part about having a homeless girlfriend? After the date, you can just drop her off anywhere."

"I'd like Twitter to suggest: Since you've just unfollowed that loser, how about you get rid of some more fucking deadwood, like ......"

"Why couldn't the accountant keep his car in working order? Because it broke down and he couldn't budget."

"Why doesn't Justin Bieber shop at 'Sporting Goods?' Because he likes Dick's better."

"My wife bought me Dunkin Donuts k-cups for my Keurig... Now, it's like I finally have an Indian in the Cupboard."

"I mean, I'm smart, but I'm no Alfred Einstein."

"INTERVIEWER: it says here on your resume that you're good at small talk? ME: yes INTERVIEWER: holy shit"

"What's the worst thing about 1 ply toilet paper? It's already shitty before you use it."

"People are like slinkys... ... they're no fun to look at but when you push em down the stairs you cant help but smile."