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Joke of the Day

"My wife told me some guy at the bar was buying her drinks all night to get me jealous. We'll it worked. I wish he was buying me drinks."

"What does a violin player use as birth control? Their personality"

"i'd tel a joke about classical music But you would'nt be able to handel it."

"How do you take your coffee? **Barista:** How do you take your coffee? **Customer:** Ferguson Police **Barista:** Huh? **Customer:** Black, two shots."

"In Soviet Unicorn, rainbow poops you!"

"Why can't you have two Apple watches? Because then it would be a pair (pear)!"

"What makes a glow worm glow ? A light meal !"

"Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Their kids haven't ."

"Entering Area 51 US soldier: - Sir, this is secret teritory and you don't have permission to... - me - Where the fuck are you running, Pikachu?!"

"There's no greater waste of time in life than wishing a one-year-old a happy birthday."