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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a sign advertising crabs and clams. I don't know about you, but I prefer to keep the crabs away from my clam."

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"When life hands you 2 Lemons 1 cup sugar 2 tbsp flour 3 tbsp cornstarch 1 cup water 2 tbsp butter 4 eggs 1 pie crust you make lemon meringue"
"Walking around Houston airport taking iPads from unattended kids. I have 4 so far."
"A beautiful lady once asked me what I like in a woman. I got six months for indecent exposure."
"What do you call a black man in space? An Astronaut you racist!"
"George Michael is recording a song with all the proceeds going to end sectarian violence in the Middle East. It's call ""I Want Your Sects""."
"""Haha totally man"" - me, after failing to understand someone for a third time."
"What do nearsighted gynecologists and a puppy have in common? A wet nose."
"Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art? Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming ""stay away from me!"""
"My eyes always hurt whenever I have sex It's probably the pepper spray"