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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a sign advertising crabs and clams. I don't know about you, but I prefer to keep the crabs away from my clam."

"One day I mixed my girlfriend up with flour and butter then I stirred in some milk and sugar. She's scone now..."

"Do you ever pretend like you didn't see something so the other person doesn't feel embarrassed."

"Based on the novel 'Push Notifications' by iSapphire"

"How do dogs like to have sex? RUFF!"

"People who misuse apostrophes can go to he'll. (OC)"

"Please retweet my son, it would mean a lot to him, apparently his mother's love isn't enough for him. #IfYourMomWroteYourTwitterBio"

"Did you hear about the eagle who could catch a squirrel with only one claw? He was very *talon*ted"

"A month before my grandfather died we had tried everything to cure him. We then heard you could try covering him head to toe in baby oil - after that he went downhill very quickly."

"What do Polish arctic researchers do at elections? They have a polar pole poll."