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Joke of the Day

"It's only a matter of time before the casino realizes that baby I lost at the roulette table wasn't mine"

"I rented a tuxedo then didn't need it. Do you know how hard it is to sublet a tuxedo?"

"White trash girl How do you get a white trash girl to suck your dick? Dip it in ranch dressing."

"HER: I'd invite you in, but I never kill on a first date ME: kill? HER: haha I meant kiss stupid autocorrect ME: we are talking out loud"

"What are you doing on Valentines Day? I'm getting my hands massaged."

"What's long and hard? The sock under my bed."

"If April showers bring May flowers what do Mayflowers bring? Genocide."

"INTERVIEWER: You put ""summoning demons"" as a special skill? ME: That's right. INTERVIEWER: *sweating profusely* When can you start?"

"Election results are coming in from Warsaw So we'll soon see who's leading the Poles."

"What do you call a Punjabi fellow stuck in the middle of a shark-filled ocean? Amandeep trouble."