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Joke of the Day

"It's only a matter of time before the casino realizes that baby I lost at the roulette table wasn't mine"

"Did you hear what happened to the fly on the toilet seat? He got pissed off."

"when you post a tweet so good you have to do a bunch of push-ups & your mom bangs on your door & tells you to stop breathing so loud"

"I'm not all that interested in Astronomy but, I really dig Uranus."

"My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy So now I have to sit down to pee."

"So I had a threesome last night... There were a couple of no-shows but I still had fun"

"I invented a new word Plagiarism"

"This could just be the coffee talking but AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *lights car on fire*"

"I deleted my facebook account. Could one of you tell them it's raining and cold here?"

"If you are going to use a boat to escape make sure its in water not in water town!"