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Joke of the Day

"Mispronouncing words is kind of my forty"

"The carwash is a great place to meet other millionaires who for some reason don't have garden hoses."

"Two utensils are laying in bed... One turns to the other and says ""wanna spoon?"" The other replied, ""no, I'd rather fork."""

"Me: Liar, liar, pants on fire! Nose as long as a telephone wire! Daughter: A telephone WHAT? Me: Wire. Daughter: That doesn't make sense."

"Have been woken up with the hangover from hell by the sound of my neighbour's lawn mower. He'll just have to mow around me, I'm not moving."

"Take me with you! I shout to every airplane that flies over my house."

"Why was the ground all white after Custer's last stand? Because the Indians just kept coming, and coming..."

"I'm not a Grammar Nazi! I'm alt-write."

"What's the difference between an Afghani Military Base and a Pakistani Elementary School? I don't know, I just fly the drone."

"What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison? One's a pro, and one's a con."