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Joke of the Day

"Have been woken up with the hangover from hell by the sound of my neighbour's lawn mower. He'll just have to mow around me, I'm not moving."

"What do you call a 90's sitcom star's inactivated x chromosomes? Roseanne Barr bodies heh"

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out."

"How British is Adele ? She would call you at least 1000 times to tell how sorry she is ."

"If I had a gun and 2 bullets and I was alone in a room with you, Hitler, and Stalin, I'd look at you like how the fuck did we get in this situation."

"....Hey...uh...hey. Reddit. Yeah, you Reddit.....what do ducks eat? **QUACKERS** **LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL--STARTS CHOKING ON OWN HUMOR--**"

"What do pirates call fat whores? LAND HO!"

"The teacher asked... - ""Why did you bring your cat today Jimmy?"" - He replied, crying, ""Because I heard my daddy tell mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school!'"""

"Knock Knock... Me: Knock Knock Other person: who's there Me: Allah Other person: Allah who? Me: Allah who Akbar (ALLAHU AKBAR BOOOOOOM)"

"Welcome to the BBC... Welcome to the BBC. Rape all the children you like, just don't punch a producer."