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Joke of the Day

"How many chocolate bunnies can you put into an empty Easter basket? One. After that the basket won't be empty."

"These Jehovah's Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant."

"Emailing professors be like Me: *polite greeting, multiple paragraphs, perfect grammar* Professor: ""sure"" -sent from my iPhone"

"I'm thinking of selling my old vacuum cleaner It's been gathering dust for years."

"Me: u can walk around without shoes Teacher: right Me: but after a while it hurts your feet Teacher: ok Me: so time wounds all the heels"

"If you love something set it on fire. If it doesn't die, you have a dragon."

"Did you hear about that one statistician? Probably."

"The hipster aesthetic is the best thing to ever happen to ugly people."

"So weird that before we invented cars, if you hated someone you keyed their horse."

"I asked the librarian for a book on the Ebola virus. She said, ""It's in Siera Leone at the moment, but it should be here within the next few days!"""