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Joke of the Day

"I'm sure some of you have already heard this one..... 4217"

"You know what I hate the most about suspense?"

"Did you hear about the cow who couldn't give milk? She was an udder disappointment."

"My cat went missing, so I put up posters of myself that says... ""If you're reading this, you better get your ass back home right now!"""

"I'm just waiting for the right person to come along and mistake my crippling pessimism for an attractive sense of humor."

"How many Friend Zoned guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw."

"Pretty cool that Sarah Connor saved mankind by raw-dogging a total stranger claiming to be a time traveller at the height of the AIDS scare."

"What's a moo hoo for a darling bull? A dear steer!"

"I just don't get you people who prefer the cold over the heat. The best times of my life are spent being hot, sweaty, and naked. Not cold, shivering, and bundled up."

"[police interrogation] ""What do you do for a living?"" ""Drug dealer."" ""Louder, for the tape."" [leans in] ""Bug healer. I heal bugs."""