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Joke of the Day

"I built a staircase using an online tutorial! When I finished I thought something looked wrong so I went back to look at the instructions. I missed a step."

"I saw a magician driving through my neighborhood, and then he turned into a driveway."

"(Date) ME: Watch this *ties cherry stem with tongue* HER: *giggles* 1-UP WALLY: *places Rubik's cube in mouth and pulls it out solved*"

"Ugly people with great bodies should be required to wear a sign on their back with a picture of their face on it."

"Why is the door knob? Because the key. (ok, i will show myself out)"

"What musical instrument goes with cheese? Picklelo."

"Felt bad about hitting a car yesterday but I remembered to leave a note. Didn't have a pen so I used my key."

"What's the last thing someone wants to hear while blowing Willie Nelson? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."""

"I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex... I'm tired. I'm washing my hair. I've got a headache. I am your sister-in-law."

"What did the desert say to the rainforest when it kicked a ball over the fence. Looks like you're gonna have to climate."