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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Irish man only eat two hundred and thirty nine beans? If he ate one more, it would be too farty!"

"Getting mail addressed to ""Current Resident"" is the sales equivalent of a guy group texting ""You free tonight?"" to every girl in his phone."

"Me: What do you want for breakfast? Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast?"

"What happens to a person when they move out of Asia? They become dis-oriented!"

"What do most people do when they see a python ? They re-coil !"

"How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!"

"Some chump in an orange apron in B&Q just asked me if I wanted decking... Fortunately I got the first punch in."

"I think I'm developing a taste for foreign films like Tokyo Drift."

"Fellas, imagine having your balls roughly kneaded for two days straight. Congratulations you just experienced menstrual cramps."

"So apparently in a job interview, if the interviewer asks you to choose one word that describes you, the correct answer is not fergalicious."