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Joke of the Day

"Honey, I just won the lottery! -- Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack some suitcases! -- That's fantastic! Should I pack summer or winter clothing? -- I don't care, but I want you gone by tomorrow!"

"U know your mind is gone when u get out of bath and realize u only shaved one leg Unless u only have one leg... Then you're good"

"Ask someone if they'll watch your bag for you but never actually leave just sit there and watch your bag together with your new friend."

"What letter stands for the ocean? The letter C."

"Real Money Once a Boss said to his subordinate: ""You have always wanted a bonus so I will give you $1,000,000i^2."" The Subordinate: ""Sir I can this amount only on the Argand Plane."""

"What do you the balcony seats at the theater? The Wilkes Booth."

"My wife's idea of oral sex is to sit down and talk me out of it."

"*deletes fb account* *leaves social media* *goes to Himalayas* *pigeon comes with a note* *opens note* *candy crush request* *dies*"

"What's the worst part about being a pedophile? Getting the blood out of your clown suit."

"I wear a 3-piece suit to bed in case someone breaks in & we have nothing to talk about. ""Did you notice I'm wearing a suit?"" ""Yes"""