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Joke of the Day

"Q: How many Survivors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One to start screwing it in and the rest to vote 'em off the ladder."

"Once you've seen one shopping center... you've seen the mall"

"What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted"

"I've struggled for years to be above the influence... But I've never been able to get that high"

"Judge: Guilty Me: Sayyoudidwhat. Judge: What did you say? Me: Judge? Did you just reverse my sentence? *Stage dives into cheering jury*"

"Haven't heard from my boyfriend in 3 days. Trying to start a prayer chain. He blocked me after I set up a wedding website so please RT."

"I hate when someone wants to have sex with me for superficial reasons before they even know how funny."

"What is the difference between jam and jelly? You can't jelly your dick down a girls throat"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants. One's a crusty bus station while the other's a busty crustacean."

"I wish my garden was emo... Why? So it will cut itself."