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Joke of the Day
"Just got back from seeing a chiropractor that guy cracks me up"
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"Multiple personalities If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves is it considered a hostage situation?"
"The government says 50 terror plots have been thwarted since NSA surveillance. What a perfectly even, unsuspicious number."
"[movie night] Her: Can I pick tonight? Me: You picked last time and it was horrible Her: WE WATCHED OUR WEDDING VIDEO"
"I might have Alzheimer's... ...but at least I don't have Alzheimer's."
"[At job interview] Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job. Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money."
"""And you don't want hairy hands, now do you? Oh! And googling 'it' will make you go blind..okay! Mommy loves you."" - Sis at her 9 year old."
"Has anybody ever noticed that you can get salmonella from chicken...but not chickenmonella from salmon?"
"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... ba-dum tss"
"Did you hear about the injured condiment? He had to be rushed to the Mayo Clinic."