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Joke of the Day

"Has anybody ever noticed that you can get salmonella from chicken...but not chickenmonella from salmon?"

"Just went to a dance for mentally handicapped people It was basically one big slow dance."

"I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes My parents named me Michael but I totally looked like a Ryan"

"[Giraffes at gym] ""What do you want to work on today?"" Well we did neck day yesterday, and the day before. ""So...neck day again"" You bet"

"What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?"

"What do u call a nun In a wheel chair Virgin mobile. XD"

"Some pages troll us by making a pixel or two on the page black so that we think it's a smudge... why would anyone do that? I just can't put my finger on it."

"I like my women the way I like my coffee... Two years old and stone cold..."

"My doctor said I shouldn't hug people, admittedly it was 10 years ago when I had the flu but I still use that one."

"Dodged the bullet A girl asked me today if she is wearing too much make-up. I told her my reply depends on whether or not she intends to kill Batman."