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Joke of the Day

"I went to the canary islands ... and believe it or not, I didn't see any canaries. I also went to the virgin islands, and believe it or not, I didn't see any canaries there either."

"""Why don't you have kids yet?"" is a great question, ma'am, but I'm saving that conversation for the right total stranger at this gym."

"Why did the Crip cross the road? Cuz."

"I hate it when kids spell ""angel"" as ""angle"" They're just trying to be edgy."

"What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight? Put up your Dukes! I'll just let myself out..."

"If laughing is good for you because you use 15 muscles, think how healthy you'll be if you're breaking a chair on someone's head every day."

"A Irishman, Mick goes to the doctor complaining of stomach pain... Doctor: ""Well I cant find anything wrong with you , it must be the drinking"" Mick : ""Ill come back when you're sober Doctor"""

"Maybe your parents told you a watched pot never boils so you wouldn't go around sticking your face near boiling water, idiot."

"What can you get off with your finger that you can't get off with steel wool? Your girlfriend."

"Don't drink and drive. Unless you can totally handle it and people need to relax because you're fine."