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Joke of the Day

"75% of parenting is taking their keys to punish them And giving them back because they're driving you crazy"

"I have on my new shoes today. They are so cute, and comfortable, as long as I don't stand in them or walk in them."

"That bitch... Two necrophiliacs were chatting on the phone. One says to the other,""So how's the girlfriend?"" He replies, ""Eh, the rottin cunt split on me last night."""

"Whats the difference between a crab with big boobs and a bus station full of punks? One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station"

"Where do butt-pirates have sex? The poop deck."

"What do you call a chicken staring intently at a piece of lettuce? A chicken ceaser salad."

"Three People Killed at Colorado Abortion Clinic Sounds like a slow day to me"

"What did Snoop say Dr. Dre while binge watching their favorite TV show? Are you ready for the next episode?"

"I just got a new dog that's half Saint Bernard and half Pitbull He likes to save people and then kill them."

"It's not really 'fast food' if fat people can catch it."