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Joke of the Day

"son I heard u praying for grandma. look that's nice *clears throat* but daddy's tweets need prayers too. im in a RT dry spell right now, son"

"""Man cave"" - Russian who has yet to get a full grip on our language, except mostly slang terms, describing the end of a couple's argument"

"Had to Return the Sensitive Toothpaste I bought yesterday... It couldnt take a joke!"

"FRIEND: OMG I'm so glad to get away from my kids for a bit ME: haha yeah I don't think I'll ever have kids FRIEND: no it's the best"

"My drug of choice is laughter....and cocaine. Mostly cocaine. Sometimes angel dust. Molly is cool too. RT if you love Jesus."

"If you're happy and you know it, thank your ex."

"In Soviet Russia... TV watches you. With much apologies to Yakov Smirnoff (who rarely told them). Please to bring on Russian Reversal jokes in comments."

"Today I told my girlfriend she should really join Reddit cause... We'd be on the same page."

"If my mobile provider started charging 3 times as much as their nearest competitor but there was no voicemail, I'd still stay with them."

"Why was Dracula always willing to help young vampires? Because he liked to see new blood in the business."