137623

Joke of the Day

"FRIEND: OMG I'm so glad to get away from my kids for a bit ME: haha yeah I don't think I'll ever have kids FRIEND: no it's the best"

"So I was dating a girl who had a lazy eye It would have worked out, but it turns out she was seeing someone on the side"

"How about a month filled with stress and obligation? - Pitch for December"

"""You're an alcoholic."" I prefer the term 'bar-barian'"

"What do you call a reindeer trapped in a storm? A Thundeer"

"*Kanye West's dating show* 10 women stand in front of me and I only have 9 roses. BUT WAIT... They're all for me *Kanye wins dating show*"

"Just saw a French band perform Livin' On A Prayer. I think it was Bonjour-vi."

"Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind"

"Me: I won't be in due to a VOLCANO Boss: ..we live, in Florida..? Me: IRRELEVANT Boss: Me: *opens 3rd bottle of vodka, puts on arm floaties*"

"What is a Cambodian's favorite meal? Pol Pot."