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Joke of the Day

"I like my beer like I like my violence... ...domestic"

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"Why did the cat join the Red Cross ? Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit !"
"You can learn a lot from a woman wielding a knife. For example, your top running speed."
"Did you see the headline about the film director who stormed off set after someone filled his trailer with herbs? Michael Bay Leaves"
"How do you fix a broken website? With stick e-tape."
"Hipster fire department unable to make building cool."
"Why don't you tell us what's really wrong, loud sneezers?"
"Why did the roadkill cross the road? Because somebody FINALLY turned on the lights."
"Waiter, ""Welcome to red lobster, I'm your seafood expert."" me- ""did you know octopuses have a beak?"" W-""no"" Me- ""who's the expert now?"""
"What do teachers drink at school? Facul-tea"