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Joke of the Day

"What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter? The producer said she had the perfect face for radio."

"Fuck! I forgot to bring my reusable bag to Whole Foods. People are throwing rocks. I'm bleeding. Send help."

"What do you have when you have a mother in law buried up to her neck in sand? not enough sand."

"What's the opposite of Christopher Walken? Christopher Reeve"

"""Why does everyone hate me?"" I texted with the clicky keyboard sound turned on."

"Did you hear of the 2 thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months."

"Technically, all vehicles are time machines."

"What's an arborists favorite side dish? Can o' peas."

"Why did Tommen jump out the window? Because he was ready to come out."

"I measure how hard I'm working by whether I feel compelled to close my eyes and nap while sitting on the toilet."