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Joke of the Day

"Two muffins are sitting in the oven. When one muffin leans over to the other and says, ""boy it sure it's hot in here."" To which the other muffin responds, ""holy shit a talking muffin!"""

"Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority? Because they don't like Dick's."

"Sometimes when people talk to me, I scream and beat my chest. It not only establishes dominance, but tells them to go away."

"How do you kill an Argentinian? Take him to the top of his ego and throw him off."

"Why are planes strong? Cuz they can lift."

"Ugh, I can't believe our coexist bumper stickers aren't working."

"The yard. Son: Dad! Dad: What is it son? Son: Boys are gathering into our yard! Dad: ...How many boys? Son: All of them... Dad: MY MILKSHAKES!"

"Her: I'll sleep with you when pigs fly Me: points to police helicopter*"

"Now the UK is out of the EU we can ban pre-shredded cheese. Make Britain grate again."

"How did people travel through Germany when Hitler was in power? Not sea. Get it? like Nazi. but not sea. get it?"