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Joke of the Day

"How many Orthodox Hasidic Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, ya mensch. It's Shabbat."

"Guns don't kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do."

"What did one volcano say to the other? "" i lava you """

"Most companies try to make new cutting edge technologies... Samsung goes for the burning strategy"

"You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney."

"What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !"

"Work said I was going to do a drug test today. So far I haven't tested any drugs, but this weird guy asked me to urinate in a cup."

"I accidentally switched toothpaste with hemorrhoid cream... Now my sore tooth's better and my farts are minty fresh."

"don't even talk to me if you can't name all three powerpuff girls."

"Here's an olive branch. Please choke on it."