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Joke of the Day

"[Ghost describing stalker to sketch artist] ""He was a yellow circle with a demonic mouth."" *holds up drawing of Pac-Man* *sobs* THAT'S HIM!"

"What type of fruit is not allowed to get married? Cantaloupe..."

"What's the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer? The taste!"

"*swivels around in evil chair* *evil laugh* *pets evil cat* *evil cat laughs* *jumps out of evil chair* ""Holy shit, that cat just laughed!"""

"so a Gorilla a Mother and a Child walk into a bar The Gorilla took a shot, the mum got arrested for child endangerment"

"A man goes to a doctor for a check up. The doctor asks him if he has any sexually transmitted diseases. To which the man replied, ""Yes. I have two children."""

"I asked my wife what my rapper name should be. She suggested, ""2-PAAQ"" 2 pumps and a quiver. :'("

"What's the number for poison control? Dancing With the Stars is on and I need to make sure this will be enough."

"Funny things to say after loudly farting in a public toilet I'll start with a couple I've heard: ""Systems check cleared - ready for drop..."" ""Whups, I'm sorry, I need to get that fixed..."""

"What happens if you try to sit on Death's couch? There will be grim reaper cushions"