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Joke of the Day

"Where did Noah keep his termites? In a plastic bag."

"What do you call an elephant on drugs? Tranquilized."

"What song did the man who lived next door to a brothel sing on his way to work? Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to work I go!"

"I'm not saying she's fat... ...but if I had to name the top five fattest people I know, she'd be three of them."

"[Dr's office] ""I have Carrie like reflexes"" Don't you mean cat-like reflexes? *Dr hits my knee with reflex hammer and I set him on fire* No"

"Did you hear Poland bought 5,000 septic tanks? As soon as they figure out how to drive them, they'll invade Germany."

"If you've ever taken a baby to a movie, please set yourself on fire. Thanks."

"What's the Difference Between Peanut Butter and Jam? I can't peanut butter my dick in your ass."

"Most people don't even know that New York was attacked by the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man in the 80's. I saw a documentary about it."

"One time John Waters spilled water on me and my mom said ""thank god his name isn't John Barbecue Sauce!"""