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Joke of the Day

"[Dr's office] ""I have Carrie like reflexes"" Don't you mean cat-like reflexes? *Dr hits my knee with reflex hammer and I set him on fire* No"

"What type of overalls did Mario wear? Denim denim denim"

"What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money."

"Every time I'm the only black person at a party I think: ""Wow. I helped them make quota."""

"Rate kickass only this if your name isn't Steve"

"You know what would be a good name for a cocaine delivery service company? Instagram"

"Slept like a baby last night Woke up every hour and just cried about my life."

"If a bulldog and a shitzu mated, their off-spring would be called a dog-zu"

"What did the Ice Cream say to the Birthday Girl? Go 'head girl, it's sherbert day"

"My internet was down for 5 minutes today So I went downstairs and spoke to my family. They seem like nice people."