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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I broke up because of a difference in religious beliefs. She didn't believe I was God."

"So a baby seal walks into a club. The end."

"How do you differentiate a basic bitch from a bad bitch? You pour phenolphthalein on her and watch it turn pink."

"Cargo shorts are awesome because you have extra pockets to carry all the ladies numbers that you get."

"Do you know why I hate drinking with blind people? They can't handle their booze and always black-out."

"Judging from what most terrifies my cats, when the apocalypse comes it will be heralded by a great rustling of plastic grocery bags."

"Return policy: ""If for any reason you are not satisfied..."" Ok, I'm not satisfied because dwarves and rockets."

"Today I broke a G string while fingering A minor Dammit, playing guitar is hard!"

"I've always been a dog person, but I have never had a close friend that was a cat person. I just find that cats taste too gamy."

"Another knock knock joke X: Knock knock. Y: Who's there? X: Doctor."