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Joke of the Day

"Crowds hated it but the best weapon for fighting a lion in the gladiator ring was a spray bottle and a firm ""NO."""

"When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers."

"Why did the guitar player get arrested He was fingering a minor"

"What did your last slave die of? A perforated colon."

"Just remember, you can't please everyone. So just focus on what's important, pleasing me."

"Why don't you ask about the home life of a filing cabinet? It's usually a sorted affair."

"Whenever people say they're willing to do ""whatever it takes"" to ""make it in Hollywood"" they never mean ""patiently work on their craft""."

"How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the chin"

"I finally opened the condom in my wallet and it had a beard."

"I went to the library. I said,""Can I borrow a book about suicide?"" The guy said,""We did have one, but we never got it back."""