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Joke of the Day

"What was the allergic 2""X4""'s terrifying hallucination? He sawdust."

"I have a beta fish named Carl He's a real lady killer!"

"The definition of Irony: Your job sucks Your kids suck Your life sucks Your wife...doesn't"

"What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter-pounder with cheese."

"My daughter is so ugly... ...everytime I molest her I have to close my eyes and think of her sister."

"Candy cigarettes are a gateway drug to rock candy."

"How did Henry VIIIs wife enter the room? Amble in (Anne Boyeyn) I made this joke up and am very proud of it :)"

"I was listening to my wife argue with our 5 y/o. I didn't want to tell her he was right so karate chopped the TV to create a diversion."

"Doctor & Patient F Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"Boss: Have I made myself clear? Me: No, I can still see you. Boss: Shakes head."