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Joke of the Day

"A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner... ...The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. ""Och, I look like a pig!"" The man nods, ""And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"""

"A friend was showing me around his house... Friend: ""So this is our master bed room..."" Me: ""...You guys have a masturbate room?"""

"The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher."

"What's something that the inventor doesn't want, the buyer doesn't use, and the user doesn't know about it? A casket"

"A while back I was walking through the woods and found a body... He must have gotten stuck in a bear trap or something. I never told anyone about it but I came back about a week later and he was dead."

"LPT: If your phone gets water damage, leave it in a bowl of rice overnight. When you're sleeping, Asians will come to eat the rice and will fix your phone for fun"

"Perhaps the most gut wrenching part of my day is the moment I look in my fast food bag to see if they remembered my straw"

"I went to the doctor because my hearing problem The doctor said 'Can you describe the symptoms?' I said 'Yeah, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair'"

"My girlfriend told me she loves my brain I told her ""Hey, my eyes are down here""."

"What is the difference between erotic and kinky? erotic is when you use a feather, kinky is when you use the whole chicken"