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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend told me she loves my brain I told her ""Hey, my eyes are down here""."

"Gather round children, and let me tell ye the story of the black forest ham"

"oooh pretty wing tattoos on your back, do they symbolize how you have no idea how big wings need to be to carry your weight"

"My metaphors are like similes. Rock solid as a mountain."

"I got a nice Rolex from the lesbian couple next door after they asked me what I wanted for my birthday. It's a cool gift and all, but I think they misunderstood me when I told them I wanna watch."

"Wonder what Facebook employees do to waste time at work?"

"I thought of having a threesome But then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents"

"I respect older people because they made it through school without Google OR Wikipedia."

"In middle school chuck Norris was assigned an essay about what courage was. He got an A+ by turning in a blank sheet of paper with his name on it."

"Did you hear about the blind circumciser? He got the sac"