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Joke of the Day

"I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex. he is a small arms dealer."

"Wanna piss a rhinoceros off? Hang his car keys on his nose."

"The voices in my head have been quiet for a while. They probably broke something."

"Whats pink and always slippery? A pink slipper"

"[Hoth Rebel Base] Leia: How's Skywalker? Han: He was nearly frozen when I found him. Leia: And, now? Han: Lukewarm. Leia: ... Han: Hehehe"

"You'd think after 12 years of filming Boyhood someone would be like hey maybe we should make this good."

"I Like My Coffee Like I Like My Girls Without a penis"

"[to pharmacist getting my pills that make me stop talking about ET] long day? ""ugh I can't wait to go home"" know who else wanted to go home"

"I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine, he gets better with age..... The next day, she locked me in the cellar."

"You look like something I'd draw with my left hand"