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Joke of the Day

"I'm doing it doggy style today. Lying on the couch not doing a damn thing. I will bark if you knock on the door."

"Dude the goverment isn't spying on you. You're not interesting *meanwhile in a secret base* ""dont let him say that to you. You're amazing"""

"""You make as much sense as taking a blind man to a silent movie!"""

"How do you circumcise a hillbilly? You kick his sister in the chin"

"Jan 1st, 2017: I'm finally going to start learning guitar. haha only kidding I'll probably just ride out my current interests until I die."

"What fruit had to have an announced wedding at home? Cantaloupe"

"If you wondered if I was on the naughty list this year, I should probably tell you that the best gift I got was a packing peanut."

"At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I'll never know."

"Gravity is just the earth being really clingy"

"My friend has a PHD. Even though he only has a Public Highschool Diploma, he has been living a pretty happy life. Side note: My father loves to make this joke, so I had to share."