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Joke of the Day

"You know what the worst part is about dating a Japanese girl? If I ever decide to break up with her I will have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message"

"You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you."

"Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to stop me from savagely beating one of my coworkers with a keyboard."

"I just want to be fit enough to reach into my glove compartment, without crying."

"I just successfully robbed a bank! Now what to do with all this sperm..."

"People who leave careers to ""spend more time with the family"" must have really shitty careers or a MUCH better family than mine."

"College Jesus Jesus opens the fridge, one of his roommates asks: ""is it wine yet"". Jesus says no it says 'still water'"

"Steps to getting into her pants: 1) Wait for her to fall asleep 2) Take her pants off 3) Put them on yourself 4) Find a top that matches"

"The secret of recent explosion of Antares rocket The decades old Soviet rocket engines it used were engineered to fly TO America, not AWAY from it."

"What do you call the story of The Three Little Pigs? A pig tail!"