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Joke of the Day

"Someone threw an egg at me, I wasn't able to dodge it. It was un-ovoid-able. =("

"I absolutely despise double-standards... Except when it's me, then it's okay."

"I used to have a 2 year old son, he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died... For inspiration"

"Are you a parking ticket? Because you got fine written all over you My girlfriend told me this one today, I was impressed"

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil..."

"Why do I call my van the Pussy Destroyer? Because cats explode when I run over them"

"If I owned a Chinese restaurant, I'd install dimmer lights in the bathroom. Should anyone dim the lights, I'd have a song play. When the Lights Go Down in the Shitty"

"A gay man walked up behind me at the bar He asked to push in my stool"

"Patron: Waiter why is there a spider in my glass? Waiter: It scares away the flies."

"Why are Muslims so good at driving at night? Because that's when they brake fast."