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Joke of the Day

"Feelings are like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf."

"Inflatable mattresses are great if you like your bed to slowly eat you."

"Why do tweakers do it doggy-style? So they can both look out the window."

"Your mom.. has one arm, one leg, one titty, one eye, and one finger. They call her ""Uno"". Ironically enough, she also works at Ihop..."

"I think I might be depressed... But I'm just taking a shot in the dark."

"What do you call a Muslim who always makes mistakes? Errorist"

"Sherlock was gardening when Watson came over and asked what he was planting. ""A lemon tree, Watson""."

"life hack #1 never poop before work even if u are about to shit yourself on the way cuz that just means u get one more break"

"Why do Avon Ladies walk funny? Their lipstick."

"A hurricane is going to hit the east coast? Are you Joaquin?"