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Joke of the Day

"When my wife and I first got married she treated me like a god! Gave me burnt sacrifices every night."

"Don't tell me I look tired unless you're offering to carry me"

"Three cookies were crossing the road when the first one was knocked down. What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety? Crumbs!"

"My stainless steel scissor rusted How ironic."

"I sometimes think of Siri as my wife on account of her voice & how she's always misinterpreting what I'm actually f'ing saying."

"How many kids does a sterile German have? Nein."

"TIL that skydiving... ...without a parachute, is a once in a lifetime experience."

"I don't drink, smoke or swear. Holy shit! I dropped my cigarette into my beer!"

"What's the difference between a Mexican and a notebook? A notebook has papers. -I'll see myself out now"

"Who's the most unpopular person at the Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch football match? The person who shouted ""Give me an L!"""