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Joke of the Day

"My daughter bought a new mattress for when she goes off to school, but was undecided about whether to keep it. I told her to sleep on it."

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"What do you call a chronic masturbaiter in Turkey? A jerkin Turkin"
"National no bra day wasn't as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support."
"""Sure, you can wear shorts to preschool today."" -the reason I am sleeping on the couch right now"
"Tried to cover Miles Davis but failed miserably... I Kind of Blue it"
"What did MC Hammer say to his wife when she caught him cheating? Can't trust this"
"Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like 'responsibility'"
"What do you call a fat person who likes trance music? Trans fat"
"So glad I don't subtweet like SOME PEOPLE."
"Every time I hear a mean joke about being Canadian, I go right to the hospital and get my feelings checked for free."